


Buck's Extraordinary Playlist

by AwkwardBabyGiraffe



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Based off Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist, Buck Gets A Superpower (sort of), Crack Treated Seriously, M/M, Maddie Buckley is a Good Sister, Mutual Pining, Singing, Slow Burn, lots of singing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:41:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24225268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AwkwardBabyGiraffe/pseuds/AwkwardBabyGiraffe
Summary: “So, let me get this straight. You think being in the MRI machine during the earthquake did something to your brain and somehow gave you the power to hear people’s thoughts as musical numbers?”“Yeah, basically?”“Buck, how hard did you hit your head?”After getting stuck in an MRI during an earthquake, Buck develops the ability to hear people's innermost thoughts in the form of elaborate musical numbers. At first, this new power seems like a curse but he soon learns that it may be able to help him in his personal and professional life.*Inspired by the show Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist. If you haven't watched it, I highly recommend it.*
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 34
Kudos: 194





	1. Chapter 1

“I can’t believe Cap’s making me do this.” Buck groaned, pressing an ice pack to the base of his skull. “I didn’t even hit my head that hard.”

  
“Buck, you passed out.” Eddie told him.

  
“For like a second. Look, I’m not even bleeding anymore.” Buck turned in his seat to show Eddie the shallow cut on the back of his head. Sure enough, the small wound had already scabbed over. This did not put Eddie at ease though. Just an hour earlier, Buck had fallen off the back of the fire truck while cleaning it, hitting his head on the floor when he landed. Even though Hen and Chimney had examined him, Bobby insisted that he go to the E.R. to get checked out. Eddie offered to go with him. Buck would never admit it, but he was grateful for his company. 

  
“Cap’s just looking out for you. After what happened with the ladder truck and the bomb, he worries about you.” Eddie ducked his head. “We all do. So, do me a favor, suck it up and let us worry about you.”

  
Buck was quiet for a moment, guilt twisting in his stomach. Finally, he sighed, “Fine. Just as long as I can come back to work tomorrow.”

  
“If the doctor clears you.” Eddie stressed. At that moment, the door opened, and a doctor entered the small examination room they had been waiting in. 

  
“Oh, the doctor’s gonna clear me. Aren’t you, doc?” Buck flashed the older man a smile.

  
“Too soon to say, Mr. Buckley.” The man, his jacket read Dr. Murphy, took a seat in front of Buck and pulled out a penlight. Getting straight to business, he shined the light in Buck’s eyes. “Heard you took a nasty fall.”

  
“Yes, sir.” Buck replied, wincing as Dr. Murphy gently prodded the back of his head.

  
“Lost consciousness?”

  
“Just for a minute when I first hit my head.” Buck said. “I feel better now. My head just hurts a bit.”

  
“No dizziness or nausea?” 

  
“Nope.” Buck answered, itching to get out of there. “I’m fine, doc. My captain’s just overprotective. He won’t let me come back to work unless I get cleared by a doctor.”

  
“Your captain sounds like a smart man. Head injuries are not something to be taken lightly.” Dr. Murphy mused, scribbling in his chart. 

  
“So, you’re not gonna clear me?” Buck deflated, a frown marring his features. 

  
“You don’t appear to have a concussion and the cut is superficial, so it won’t need stitches. It looks like all you did was give your brain a good rattle.” The doctor said with a hint of a smile.

  
“What brain?” Eddie teased, earning a smack on the arm. 

  
Dr. Murphy cracked a smile before continuing, “I’d like to do an MRI to check for any internal damage but as long as that comes back clear, I see no reason why you cant return to work as long as you feel up to it.”

  
“Well, let’s do it then.” Buck said. “No offense but I wanna get out of here.”

  
“I’ll have a nurse show you to the MRI room.” Dr. Murphy stood and ushered them out of the room. A young nurse directed them down the hall.

  
“You can go if you want to, Eddie. I don’t want to keep you waiting.” Buck offered as they stepped into the room with the large machine.

  
“I’m not gonna leave you, Buck. I know these things freak you out.” Eddie jerked his chin toward the MRI. Buck eyed the machine, anxiety building in his stomach. It was true. He hated MRIs. He hated being confined in the small space while the machine clanged around him. Eddie put a hand on his arm, his eyes understanding and soft. “I’ll be outside when you’re done.”

  
“Thanks.” Buck smiled. The two men jumped slightly as Eddie’s phone began ringing.

  
“It’s Christopher’s school.” Eddie frowned, answering the call. Buck watched as his friend talked to whoever was on the other end. After a moment, Eddie sighed, “Okay, I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

  
“Is Chris okay?” Buck asked immediately.

  
“Yeah, he’s fine. Today was a half day at school for teacher conferences and I completely forgot. I was supposed to pick him up an hour ago. Normally Carla picks him up but she’s out of town till tomorrow.” Eddie ran a hand through his hair. “Maybe my abuela can pick him up?”

  
“Don’t be ridiculous. You’re free. Go pick up Chris.” Buck said.

  
“I already told you, I’m not gonna leave you, Buck.” Eddie told him firmly.

  
“Eddie, I’m fine. Your son needs you more than I do.” Buck assured him, even though he wanted nothing more than for him to stay.

  
“You sure?” Eddie asked hesitantly, reluctant to leave.

  
“Yeah, I’m sure.”

  
“I’ll come pick you up after?” he offered.

  
“Don’t worry about it.” Buck waved him off. “I’ll call an Uber.”

  
“You’re sure?” Eddie asked again.

  
“Oh my God. Yes, I’m sure!” Buck nudged Eddie towards the door with a smile. “Go! Give Chris a hug for me.”

  
“Okay! Okay! Call me if you need anything.” Eddie chuckled before ducking out of the room. The nurse returned a moment later and instructed Buck to change into a hospital gown. Not long after, Buck was laying in the MRI machine, his stomach twisted into knots.

  
“Okay, Mr. Buckley, I’m about to start the scan. I need you to stay as still as possible. You’re going to hear a lot of noise but that’s normal. If you’d like, I could play some music to help you relax.” The nurse told him over the intercom.

  
“Yeah, that’d be nice.” Buck said nervously. His fists were clenched at his sides and he chewed at his bottom lip. As the machine whirred to life, he closed his eyes and tried to forget the fact that he was stuck inside a giant deathtrap. His anxiety eased slightly when music filtered through the speaker, though its was mostly drowned out by the machine’s clanging.

  
Several minutes had passed when the machine began shaking violently, pitching Buck back and forth in the small space. The lights around him flashed and the music blared, switching erratically from song to song. Buck’s heart raced in his chest as he called out, “Hey! What’s happening?”

  
He got no response. The lights pulsed brighter, almost blinding, and the music blasted from the speakers, skipping from country to rap, to pop, to classical. It was all so disorienting and terrifying but just as quickly as it had started, it stopped. Buck laid still for a long while, too afraid to move or even breathe. A moment later, the table slowly slid out of the MRI machine. The nurse was waiting beside him with an apologetic expression. “I’m so sorry, Mr. Buckley. We experienced an earthquake during your MRI.”

  
“An earthquake?” Buck panted, jumping from the table. He wanted to put as much distance as possible between him and that cursed machine. “Was anyone hurt?”

  
“I don’t think so, no. Thankfully, it appears to have been a mild one.” The nursed looked him over. “Are you alright?”

  
“Yeah,” Buck gulped, running a hand down his face. “just a little freaked out. Are we done?”

  
“Yes, we’re done. We were able to get the scan before the earthquake started.” The nurse moved towards the door. “You’re free to leave whenever you’re ready. Dr. Murphy will call you with the results later today. In the meantime, take it easy and call us if you start to experience any dizziness or changes in vision or speech.”

  
“Yeah, will do.” Buck agreed, changing back into his clothes as soon as the nurse left. He all but ran out of the hospital, not stopping until his feet were on the sidewalk outside. The fresh air was a welcomed relief. He opted out of calling an Uber, deciding he would rather walk home than hop into another small space. He was still rattled after his experience in the MRI machine. However, everyone around him seemed to be unbothered, as if there hadn’t been an earthquake just ten minutes before. Buck kept his head down as he walked, desperate to get home.

  
“ _Help_.” A quiet voice called. Buck looked up to see a man in a business suit standing in the middle of the sidewalk with a sad, lost expression. “ _I need somebody_.”

  
“I’m sorry?” Buck asked, freezing in his spot. It was odd. The man looking at directly at him, unmoving as people shuffled by. “Are you talking to me?”

  
“ _Help_.” The man called again. His voice sounding strange, almost melodic. “ _Not just anybody._ ”

  
“You okay, man?” Buck looked around, wondering if anyone else was seeing this. “Are you singing to me?”

  
“ _Help. You know I need someone._ ” The man continued. The pedestrians around them stopped suddenly, each of them turning to face Buck. With desperate eyes, they all joined in to sing, “ _Help!_ ”

  
“What the hell?” Buck stumbled back as the crowd began moving in a smooth, synchronized manner. Upbeat music swelled out of nowhere as an elderly woman stepped forward with a wistful smile.

  
“ _When I was younger, so much younger than today, I never needed anybody’s help in any way_ ,” she sang while others danced around her. Buck watched, completely stunned. Was this really happening? “ _But now those days are gone, I’m not so self-assured. Now I find I’ve changed my mind and opened up the doors_.”

  
“ _Help me if you can, I’m feeling down_ ,” a young woman pushing a baby stroller crooned as she passed by him. Shaking his head, Buck continued down the sidewalk, hoping to leave the crazy singing people behind. Unfortunately, they just followed him.

  
A small group of teenagers locked eyes with him and harmonized, “ _And I do appreciate you being ‘round._ ”

  
“ _Help me get my feet back on the ground,_ ” a homeless man sang, reaching out to him. Buck quickened his pace, looking over his shoulder to find the singing crowd following him.

  
“ _Won’t you please, please help me,_ ” they sang, their hands outstretched. Buck broke out in a sprint, dodging dancing pedestrians. Everywhere he turned, people were singing. Had everyone lost their minds? Had Buck? Desperate to get away, he crossed the road, only to find more singing citizens waiting for him on the other side.

  
An unhappy looking couple stepped forward to belt, “ _And now my life has changed in oh so many ways. My independence seems to vanish in the haze._ ”

  
A young man skipped by and added, “ _But every now and then, I feel so insecure. I know I need you like I’ve never done before_.”

  
“What is wrong with you people?” Buck shouted over the music, running in the opposite direction. The entire street chased after him and, in the distance, he could see another crowd of singing people approaching.

  
“ _Help me if you can, I’m feeling down. And I do appreciate you being ‘round_ ,” they sang together. “ _Help me get my feet back on the on ground. Won’t you please, please help me!_ ”

  
Buck stopped in the middle of the street, completely surrounded. The horde reached out for him one more time, their eyes desperate and pleading, “ _Oh, won’t you please, please help me! Help me! Help me! Oh!_ ”

  
As if a switch had been flipped, the music stopped, and the dozens of people went back about their business as if they hadn’t just sung a whole song to stranger. Buck was left standing alone, lost and confused. Finally finding his voice, he uttered one question, “What the actual hell?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is an idea I've been playing with for a while and I've finally decided to put it out there. This is inspired by the show Zoey's Extraordinary playlist which I highly recommend! Some of the songs and story lines are from the original show and some I added to fit the 9-1-1 plot and characters. I hope you guys liked it and I'll post the next chapter soon!


	2. Chapter 2

“Maddie! Maddie! Open the door!” Buck knocked on the front door so hard, he was sure his knuckles were bleeding. He had run all the way to his sister’s home, running purely on adrenaline. “Maddie!”

  
After what felt like an eternity, the door swung open to reveal a concerned Maddie. “Buck? What the hell are you doing?”

  
“Something is really wrong, Mads.” Buck pushed his way into the apartment, leaving his stunned sister in the doorway. He paced back and forth in the living room, his heart beating wildly in his chest. “I think I might be going crazy. I think I might need to be institutionalized.”

  
“Woah, Buck, slow down. Take a breath.” Maddie closed the door and led her brother to the couch. “What are you talking about?”

  
“I don’t know what’s going, Maddie.” he told her, near tears. “I don’t know what’s happening to me. I’m really freaking out.”

  
“Buck, honey, look at me. Okay, breathe.” She took his face in her hands, taking exaggerated breaths for him to mimic. He followed her lead, his chest rising and falling in sync with hers. After a moment, he finally calmed down. “Okay, now tell me what’s wrong.”

  
Buck steadied himself before saying, “People are singing to me, Maddie. An entire neighborhood just sang a whole Beatles song to me.”

  
“Oh, uh, okay.” Maddie stammered, obviously thrown. “Not gonna lie, I wasn’t expecting that. Why don’t you just start from the beginning?”

  
“So, I fell at work today and hit my head and Bobby insisted that I go to the hospital to get checked out. The doctor wanted me to get an MRI but while I was in the machine the earthquake hit and it must have done something to my brain because when I got out, people on the street started singing to me.” The words flew out of his mouth before he could stop them. He could only hope that Maddie would be able to make sense of it all. Her expression was soft and understanding albeit a bit confused.

  
“Sweetie, have you been eating food brought by the station again? I thought you guys learned your lesson after what happened last time?” she asked, her voice free of judgement.

  
“I’m not drugged, Mads. I’m being serious.” Buck rolled his eyes. “All I know is that one second, I’m getting an MRI and the next second-”

  
“Total strangers are singing John Lennon to you?” Maddie asked skeptically.

  
“Some to me, some to themselves.” Buck explained, his head still spinning. “It was almost as if they were all singing what they were thinking out loud, collectively, as a people. Does that sound crazy?”

  
“A little bit.” Maddie told him honestly with an apologetic smile. Buck groaned, falling back onto the cushions. “So, let me get this straight. You think being in the MRI machine during the earthquake did something to your brain and somehow gave you the power to hear people’s thoughts as musical numbers?”

  
“Yeah, basically?” 

  
“Buck, how hard did you hit your head?” Maddie asked, reaching out to cup his face.

  
“Forget it! I shouldn’t have said anything. I should have just kept it to myself.” Buck huffed, pushing off the couch. He stomped over to the door. “I shouldn’t tell anyone. This is how rumors get started and I don’t want to be known as the weird music guy.”

  
“Buck, wait!” Maddie called after him. “What song?”

  
“Huh?” 

  
“You said they were singing The Beatles to you. What song?”

  
“Uh, _Help_.”

  
“Hm, interesting.” she nodded thoughtfully. 

  
“What do you mean?”

  
“Well, if your theory is right and you can hear people’s innermost thoughts, it sounds like a lot of people need your help.” she told him softly. Buck faltered for a moment, thinking about what that might mean. Maddie stood and put a hand on his shoulder. “Look, its sounds like you had a crazy day. You got hurt at work, you were stuck in the MRI during the earthquake. Maybe your brain is just playing tricks on you because of the stress.”

  
“A whole musical number is a pretty big trick, Maddie.” Buck frowned.

  
“I’m just saying, maybe you need some rest. Take a couple of days to relax and if it happens again, we’ll go from there.” She gave him a kind smile. “Don’t go spiraling just yet, okay?”

  
“Okay.” He sighed, leaning into her touch. “You don’t think I’m crazy, do you?”

  
“No more than usual.” she teased. Buck couldn’t help but laugh with her. He could always count on his sister to make him feel better. 

  
Buck decided to take Maddie’s advice and took a couple of days off to recover. Dr. Murphy called the next morning to tell him that his scan came back clean and that he was free to return to work. On one hand, he was relieved to learn that nothing was wrong with his brain. However, he was still left wondering what had caused his musical “episode”. Maybe Maddie was right, and it was stress related. He could only hope that it was a one-time thing. 

  
Buck returned to work two days later feeling refreshed and relaxed. Bobby and the others were pleased to hear about his clean bill of health and wasted no time putting him to work. The shift was busy with calls and chores, which helped keep his mind off the whole music fiasco. By the end of the day, he felt almost back to normal. Too bad it didn’t last.

  
Thirty minutes before the end of their shift, Buck walked into the locker room to find Eddie sitting on the bench with his head in his hands. Before he could say anything, music began to softly play. He couldn’t pinpoint where it was coming from. His stomach twisted when he realized what was happening.

  
“ _Help me. Its like the walls are caving in_.” Eddie sang, raising his head. His expression was troubled, his eyes red from tears. “ _Sometimes I feel like giving up, but I just can’t. It isn’t in my blood._ ”

  
Buck stood back and watched the scene unfold in front of him with a strange fascination. He had never heard Eddie sing before. He was surprisingly good. Eddie stood from his spot and ran a hand down his face as he continued to sing, “ _Laying on the bathroom floor, feeling nothing. I’m overwhelmed and insecure. Give me something I can take to ease my mind slowly._ ”

  
Buck’s heart ached as he watched his best friend sing with such pain in his eyes. Eddie leaned against the lockers, titling his head back to rest on the metal. His voice was raw with emotion as he continued, “ _Just have a drink and you’ll feel better. Just take her home and you’ll feel better. Keep telling me that it gets better. Does it ever?_

  
“ _Help me, it’s like the walls are caving in. Sometimes I feel like giving up. No medicine is strong enough._ ” Eddie pushed off the lockers, his fingers clutching at his hair. He reached into his pocket and retrieved a small photo of Christopher. Tears welled in his eyes as he sang, “ _Someone help me. I’m crawling in my skin. Sometimes I feel like giving up, but I just can’t. It isn’t in my blood._ ”

  
Buck watched silently as Eddie held the photo close to his heart before returning it to his pocket. “ _I need somebody now. I need somebody now. Someone to help me out. Oh, I need somebody now._ ”

  
The music began to wind down and Eddie returned to the bench. His voice was tired, his posture resigned. “ _Help me. Its like the walls are caving in. Sometimes I feel like giving up, but I just can’t. it isn’t in my blood._ ”

  
The song ended and Eddie was once again sitting with his head in his hands. Buck waited for a moment before stepping forward. “Hey, Eddie. You okay?”

  
The other man looked up and offered him a wide smile. There was no trace of the tears and sadness Buck had seen just moments before. “Yeah, I’m good. Just a little tired. But hey, shift’s almost over.”

  
“Yeah.” Buck smiled softly as Eddie stood and left the room, clapping him on the shoulder as he passed. Once he was sure that he was alone, he grabbed his phone and called the only person he could talk to about this. “Hey, Maddie? It happened again.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everybody! Thanks for reading! I'm glad you guys are enjoying the story so far. I'll be posting the next chapter soon! Be sure to let me know what you think!
> 
> *Song: In My Blood by Shawn Mendes*


	3. Chapter 3

A couple hours later, Buck was on his sister’s couch with a glass of wine in his hand and a head full of worries. Maddie sat across from him, listening intently as he told her about his experience with Eddie. “I just don’t get it, Mads. Eddie’s seemed so happy lately. Why would he be singing a song like that?”

  
“I’m more worried about why you’re hearing it.” she said, concern etched onto her features. “Did you ever hear back from that doctor about your MRI scan?”

  
“Yeah and he said it came back normal.” Buck shrugged. “According to him, I have a perfectly healthy and well-developed brain.”

  
“Sounds fake but okay.” she teased.

  
“Uh, rude.” Buck whacked her with a throw pillow as the two of them laughed. “So, if there’s nothing wrong with my brain, what if I’m right?”

  
“And the MRI gave you musical superpowers?” Maddie asked with a skeptical raise of her brow.

  
“Either that or I’m going crazy.”

  
“I don’t think so.” Maddie took a sip of wine. “If you were going crazy, everybody would be singing to you all of the time.”

  
“Exactly! And its just too coincidental that this all started after the MRI.” Buck said. Maddie was silent for a moment, mulling it over.

  
“This is a lot to process.” she said finally.

  
“You’re telling me.” Buck sighed, downing the last of his wine. Maddie immediately refilled both their glasses.

  
“Okay, so if people are singing their thoughts and feelings to you, what do you think Eddie’s song means?” she asked.

  
“I don’t know but you should have seen him, Mads. I haven’t seen him that torn up since Shannon died. And then when it was over, he just smiled like nothing was wrong.” Buck frowned, thinking back Eddie’s heartbreaking performance.

  
“Sounds like Eddie’s been hiding some serious demons.” Maddie said. Buck sat quietly for a moment, lost in his own thoughts. How long had Eddie been suffering in silence? How many times had Buck been fooled by smiles and half-hearted ‘I’m fines’?

  
“What am I supposed to do?” he asked.

  
“Exactly what the song said to do; help him.” Maddie shrugged.

  
“What? I’m just suppose to go up to him and be like ‘hey man, I know you’re having a hard time because your subconscious sang a Shawn Mendes song to me’?” Buck scoffed.

  
“Well maybe don’t say that.” Maddie laughed. “He’s your best friend, Buck. Just reach out to him.”

  
“I already tried.”

  
“Well, try harder.” Maddie reached over and took his hand. “Buck, you’ve heard two songs now telling you to help people. Maybe that’s why you got this power; to help people in a way you weren’t able to before.”

  
“I don’t want that kind of responsibility, Maddie. I didn’t ask for this.” Buck frowned, his gaze falling to his lap.

  
“I know, honey.” she sighed. She hated seeing her brother so troubled. He was too young to be carrying the weight of the world was on his shoulders. “It’s not fair, but if anyone can handle this, it’s you.”

  
Buck gave her a small smile and nodded, “I’ll talk to Eddie tomorrow.”

  
“You can do this, Buck.” she assured him, squeezing his hand. “I’ll help you anyway I can.”

  
Buck left that night feeling slightly better about his situation knowing that his sister had his back. When he returned to work the next day, he struggled to find time to talk to Eddie. When they weren’t out on calls, they were busy doing chores around the station. Finally, about halfway through their shift, Buck managed to pull Eddie to the side to talk privately. “Hey, man, can I talk to you about something real quick?”

  
“Yeah.” Eddie answered hesitantly, allowing Buck to lead him to the locker room. When they were alone, he asked, “You okay, Buck?”

  
“Yeah, I’m fine.” Buck said, wringing his hands nervously. He had no idea how to broach the subject. He decided to just blurt it out. “But I don’t think you are.”

  
“I’m sorry?” Eddie asked, brow furrowing in confusion. “What are you talking about?”

  
“I’ve just noticed that you seem a little down lately. Like something’s bothering you.” Buck didn’t miss the way Eddie ducked his head to avoid looking him in the eye. “Dude, you know you can talk to me about anything right?”

  
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Buck. I’m fine.” Eddie replied, his eyes betraying the truth. 

  
“Eddie, all due respect, but I don’t think that’s true.” Buck encouraged. Eddie remained silent; his jaw set stubbornly. “Come on, man, talk to me. Last time you kept things bottled up, you got into street fighting. I don’t want to see you go down that road again.”

  
“I won’t.” Eddie said firmly.

  
“So, talk to me.” Buck pleaded. “Eddie, you’re my best friend. I care about you too much to let you go through something on your own. Let me in. Let me help.”

  
Eddie was quiet for a moment, his arms crossed tightly over his chest as he chewed at his bottom lip. Finally, he spoke, “Things have been a little tough at home lately. That’s it. Okay?”

  
“Is it stuff with Chris? Is he okay?” Buck asked worriedly.

  
“No, he’s great. He’s been seeing a therapist ever since the tsunami and he’s the happiest he’s been in a long time. He’s joined this afterschool cooking club and he loves it. He can cook better than me, now.” Eddie bragged.

  
“That’s not really saying much.” Buck teased, earning a genuine chuckle from his friend.

  
“He’s made all these friends and is getting invited to all of these sleepovers and birthday parties.” A smile ghosted on Eddie’s lips. The smile faltered as he continued, “But that also means therapist’s bills and club fees and driving him back and forth to meetings and events. Half the time, they’re on days that I work so Carla has take him and if she’s unavailable then he’s missing out.

  
“The other day, his school hosted a parent’s day and he was heartbroken when I told him I had to work. I’m missing out on all these things with him and then the days I’m home, I’m either wiped out or I’m busy cleaning the house because I’ve been working all week.” Eddie ran a hand over his face, looking tired and worn. “I just feel like I’m falling behind. As a father, as a provider. And just when I feel like I’m catching up, I fall behind again. Its an endless cycle and I’m just so damn tired. And I just want to give up, but I can’t because Christopher is depending on me.”

  
“Eddie, I’m so sorry, man.” Buck gaped. His heart ached at the thought of Eddie being in so much pain. “I had no idea.”

  
“I didn’t want you to know.” Eddie sighed. “Look, you gotta understand, I was raised to believe that it was the man’s job to be strong and provide for his family. And if he can’t do that, then he’s not much of a man. Its toxic bullshit, I know, but it’s still engrained in me.”

  
“I get it, trust me, I do.” Buck said, thinking back to his own upbringing. He reached out and put a hand on Eddie’s shoulder. “But you are the strongest person I know and the best father in the world. Chris is lucky to have you as his dad. I know you think asking for help is a weakness but its not. It’s a strength. Let me help you, Eddie.”

  
“How?” the other man asked, his voice tired. Buck wasn’t sure of that yet, but he was determined to do whatever it took to help his friend. The two men jumped when Chimney suddenly poked his head into the room.

  
“Come on, guys, we’ve got a call. Jumper downtown.” he told them with urgency in his voice. They wasted no time rushing to the trucks and within minutes, the team was off to the next call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So no song this chapter but don't worry, there are more to come! Let me know what you think!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Trigger Warning: This chapter deals heavily with suicidal thoughts and talks about past suicide attempts. If this is a trigger for you, don't read! This chapter can be skipped without losing much of the story.*

The scene was chaos when the team arrived. News teams, police cars, and emergency vehicles clogged the streets and curious pedestrians hovered, their eyes trained upward. Buck looked up at the apartment building they’d been called to and saw what had brought them there. On the roof of the building, a person stood on the ledge, so high up, Buck couldn’t even tell if it was a man or a woman. Bobby stepped forward, “Alright guys, you know the drill. Hen, Chim, stay on the ground and get the rescue cushion ready. Eddie, Buck, get rope and harnesses and come with me.”

  
“On it, Cap.” they answered in unison, carrying out their tasks. Buck followed behind Bobby and Eddie as they entered the building, taking the elevator to the top floor. A young officer was waiting for them when the doors opened. He ushered them to the stairwell that lead to the roof.

  
“It’s a young woman, maybe twenty years old. She won’t talk to any of us. She just keeps threatening to jump when we get too close.” He explained, shooting them a worried look. “You guys are trained for this right?”

  
“Trust me, this isn’t our first rodeo.” Bobby assured him, ascending the stairs, and pushing open the door. They slowly emptied out onto the roof, their steps careful and deliberate. As they came around the corner, Buck got his first good look at the young woman on the ledge. The officer was right, she couldn’t have been older than twenty. She was just a child. Her entire body trembled as she teetered on the ledge. Bobby stepped forward, his voice gentle, “Excuse me, ma’am. I’m Captain Nash with the LAFD.”

  
“I don’t care who you are.” She snapped, not even looking back at them. “Stay back or I’ll jump.”

  
To prove her point, she edged further away, the toes of her shoes now hanging over the ledge. Bobby stepped back, not wanting to push her. He turned to Eddie and Buck. “I don’t think we’re gonna be able to talk her down, guys. Okay, here’s what we’re gonna do. Eddie, you’ll harness up then-”

  
Buck didn’t hear the rest of Bobby’s sentence. He was too distracted by the soft, melancholy piano music that suddenly came out of nowhere. Buck cursed silently. This was not the time for his new power to be acting up. Or maybe it was the perfect time. He thought back to what Maddie had said about using his power to help people in a way he never could have before. Buck gathered his courage and spoke, “Cap, I can talk her down. Let me talk to her.”

  
“What? Buck, no. She’s too agitated.” Bobby shook his head. “Eddie will harness up, grab her and pull her back.”

  
“That’s too dangerous. She could fall before we get ahold of her.” Buck argued. 

  
“I don’t like it either, Buck, but I think it’s our best option.” Bobby insisted. 

  
“At least let me be the one to go over there. I’ll try to talk her down and if she gets to close, I’ll grab her.” Buck begged, earning confused looks from Bobby and Eddie.

  
“Why is this so important to you?” Bobby asked. Buck struggled to find an acceptable answer. There was no way he could tell Bobby the truth. At least, not without sounding crazy. The last thing he needed was Bobby thinking he’d lost his mind.

  
“I know I can do this.” he said firmly. “Please, Bobby.”

  
“Okay.” Bobby caved after a moment. His expression was serious as he helped Buck into the harness. “I hope you know what you’re doing, Buck.”

  
_So, do I._ Buck thought, his heart pounding in his chest. Once his harness was secure with Bobby and Eddie holding the other end of the rope, he slowly crept toward the edge. With each step, the sad music grew louder and louder. Before long, he could hear the girl softly singing. “ _All around me are familiar faces. Worn out places, worn out faces. Bright and early for the daily races. Going nowhere, going nowhere._ ”

  
Buck came up on her right and got his first look at her face. Her face was red with tear tracks. Her green eyes were glassy as she looked over the city. Her voice was raw with emotion as she continued, “ _Their tears are filling up their glasses. No expression, no expression. Hide my head I want to drown my sorrows. No tomorrow, no tomorrow._ ”

  
More tears fell down her face and she wiped them away with the hem of her sleeve. Pain and loneliness shone clear in her eyes as she looked down at the street far below. “ _And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad. The dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had. I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take. When people run in circles it’s a very, very mad world. Mad world._ ”

  
The sorrow in her voice made Buck’s chest ache. He wanted nothing more than to take this girl in his arms and ease all her misery. The music died down as she finished her song. “ _Mad world. Mad world._ ”

  
The moment Buck entered her field of vision, she tensed, backing away from him. He held up his hands in a gesture of peace. Her gaze was cold as she cried, “Stay away from me.”

  
“It’s okay. I’m not going to come near you. I’ll stay over here.” He promised, backing a few steps away just to prove his point. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Bobby and Eddie watching him closely. “I just want to talk to you.”

  
“I don’t want to talk.” She shook her head.

  
“That’s okay. You don’t have to.” Buck pointed to the ledge. “Would it be okay if I just sat up here by you for a bit? I’ll stay over here.”

  
The girl stared at him for a moment before nodding. Buck carefully threw a leg over the ledge so that he was sitting sideways, facing her. He felt the rope attached to him go taut and knew that Bobby and Eddie wouldn’t let him fall. The two of them were silent for several minutes before he spoke. “I’m Buck, by the way. What’s your name?”

  
He wasn’t sure she was going to answer him but finally, she quietly replied, “Lana.”

  
“Good to meet you, Lana.” Buck smiled, looking out over the city. In different circumstances, the view would be beautiful. The sun was setting slowly behind the buildings, flooding the sky with a brilliant orange glow. The clouds were tinged pink and a chill settled over them. Buck could see Lana shivering slightly.

  
“Get on with it.” Lana bit out.

  
“Get on with what?” Buck asked.

  
“The ‘don’t kill yourself’ spiel.” She said, bitterly. “The one everyone who’s been up so far has tried to give me.”

  
“I’m not much of a spiel guy.” Buck shrugged, earning a confused look from the girl. “I could give you one if you want but I’d rather talk about why you’re up here.”

  
“It doesn’t matter.” Lana shook her head sadly.

  
“Of course, it does.” Buck frowned.

  
“Why?”

  
“Because, if you decide to go through with this, I’d like to be able to tell your loved ones why.” He replied, hoping it wouldn’t come to that.

  
“Loved one.” Lana corrected. “Just my mom. We aren’t close. She probably won’t even care.”

  
“I’m sure that’s not true.”

  
“It is.” Lana said firmly, jaw set. “She was hardly around when I was a kid. My dad was basically a single parent.”

  
“Where’s he now?” Buck pressed, trying to keep her talking.

  
“Dead.” She replied, tears spilling onto her cheeks. “A year ago, today.”

  
“I’m so sorry.” Buck told her sincerely. “Is that why you’re up here?”

  
“Partly.” She nodded. “I struggled with depression in high school. I was bullied constantly, never felt like I belonged. But my dad, he was the only person that made feel like I was worth something. He gave me hope that things would get better.

  
“When he died, I promised him that I would be strong but it’s just so hard. I thought I was handling it. I thought I was doing a good job living in a word without him. But I’m not.” Her voice cracked and Buck found himself fighting back tears of his own. “I have been more miserable, felt more hopeless, in this past year without him than I have in my entire life. I can’t do it anymore. I can’t take another day, another moment, feeling like this. I can’t handle it.”

  
“I understand how you feel.” Buck told her quietly. 

  
“No, you don’t.” she scoffed with a shake of her head.

  
“I do.” he insisted. “Because not that long ago, I was right where you are.”

  
A silence fell over the rooftop and Buck could feel Eddie and Bobby’s eyes on him. He didn’t really want them to hear this story, but he felt like it was the only way to get through to Lana. He swallowed his nerves and continued, “My parents were very absent in my life. They never really wanted one kid, let alone two. My older sister basically had to raise me. But when she left to start her own life, I got left behind. I felt like a ghost in that house, like I wasn’t seen or wanted. 

  
“So, the first chance I got, I left. I came here to LA to try and start over. But I didn’t know anybody here. I had no friends, no family, no support system. My sister, the only person who had ever been there for me, had her own life a hundred miles away. I never felt so alone, so isolated.” Buck paused, looking down at his hands. “I felt like I didn’t matter, like whole world was just moving on without me and I was getting left behind. For months, I spiraled deeper and deeper into a depression until I couldn’t take it anymore. I just wanted it to stop. So, one night I found myself on the edge of a bridge and I was ready to jump. I was standing on the ledge, just like you are now, only there was no one there to stop me.”

  
“What did stop you?” Lana asked quietly. From the corner of his eye, Buck could see Eddie and Bobby watching him with wide eyes. 

  
“I realized that I didn’t want to kill myself. Not really. I wanted to kill my circumstances. I wanted to kill my pain and my loneliness. I wanted to kill that voice in my head that was constantly telling me I didn’t matter.” Buck edged closer to her, watching her reaction carefully. She didn’t move away from him this time. “So, I stepped down from that ledge and I’m so glad that I did. I got help and I joined the fire academy. Now, I’ve got a job that I love, that gives me purpose. I’ve got friends that have become the family I always dreamt of. I’ve even reconnected with my sister. I am the happiest I’ve ever been and it’s all because I didn’t end my story on that bridge.” 

  
Lana’s eyes flickered from him to the street below, her expression conflicted. Buck inched closer to her, his eyes pleading. “Lana, your story doesn’t have to end here. I know it’s hard, I do. It is a mad world out there. Its big and scary and sometimes it feels like its going to swallow us whole. But I promise you, there’s hope. I’m proof of it.”

  
Tears swam in the young girl’s eyes, her lip trembling as she whispered, “I don’t know what to do. I’m so scared.”

  
“I know.” Buck told her, climbing off the ledge. He closed the distance between them, offering her his hand. “Let me help you, Lana. It doesn’t have to end this way. This isn’t what your father would have wanted.”

  
Nobody dared move or even breathe for several moments. Lana stared wide eyed at Buck’s outstretched hand, her body shivering. Finally, she reached out and took his hand, and allowed him to lead her off the ledge. The moment they were on solid ground, the young girl collapsed in his arms. Sobs wracked her small body as she buried her face in his turnout. She held onto him for dear life and Buck, in turn, wrapped his arms around her as tight as he could. His voice broke as he whispered, “You’re gonna be okay.”

  
Bobby was suddenly by their side, gently wrapping a blanket around Lana’s shoulders. He spoke to her gently, assuring her that everything would be alright as he directed her off the roof. Buck stayed behind; his heart pounding so hard in his chest that it was painful. He watched with tearful eyes as Bobby and Lana departed. Just before they descended down the staircase, the young woman looked over her shoulder to Buck, her lips moving to form a silent thank you. Buck gave her a smile and a nod, wiping tears from his face.

  
The moment the two of them were out of sight, Buck deflated, completely spent. The tears ran freely, and he no longer had the energy to brush them away. Eddie was by his side in an instant, keeping him grounded with a firm hand on his shoulder. “You okay, Buck?"

  
“Yeah,” he sniffed, forcing himself to meet Eddie’s gaze. He was relieved to find no judgment in his friend’s eyes. “that was just a lot, you know?”

  
“Yeah. You did great, though. You saved her life.” Eddie beamed with pride. After a moment, his expression became more serious. His voice was gentle as he asked, “That story you told her, was it true?”

  
Buck didn’t want to answer. He never wanted anybody to know about the darkest time in his life but now that it was all out in the open, the only thing he could do was accept it. He ducked his head and nodded. The next thing he knew, Eddie had pulled him into a bone crushing hug. He was stunned at first but quickly returned the embrace. Buck buried his face into Eddie’s shoulder, melting into his touch.

  
It was strange. He and Eddie, for the most part, had always been close, but he had never allowed himself to be this vulnerable around his friend. The whole suave, playboy persona he put on was a façade to hide how insecure and scared he always felt. But right then, in Eddies arms, he didn’t feel scared at all. He felt safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Song: Mad World*


	5. Chapter 5

The following days were, thankfully, song free. This allowed Buck plenty of time to come up with a plan to help Eddie. By the time the weekend arrived, he knew exactly what he wanted to do. Bright and early Saturday morning, Buck arrived on the doorstep of the Diaz household with a box of doughnuts and cup of coffee. Eddie was still in his pajamas when he answered the door. He rubbed his eyes tiredly and greeted, “Hey, Buck. What are you doing here? Its seven in the morning?”

“Get dressed. You’re taking Christopher to the zoo today.” Buck said cheerfully, shoving the coffee into Eddie’s hand. He pushed his way into house, leaving his friend stunned in the doorway.

“I’m doing what?” Eddie repeated dumbly, following Buck to the kitchen where he sat the doughnuts on the counter.

“You and Chris are gonna get dressed and spend the day at the zoo. Call it quality father-son bonding time.” Buck smirked, pulling two slips of paper out of his back pocket. “I’ve already bought and printed out your tickets. All you have to do is get Chris and go.”

“Buck, I appreciate what you’re trying to do but I can’t.” Eddie shook his head sadly. “I’ve only got a couple of days off and I’ve got too much to do around the house. The sink is full of dirty dishes, there’s a week’s worth of laundry that I have to wash, I can’t even remember the last time I dusted or vacuumed-”

“Eddie, don’t worry about it. I’ll take care of everything.” Buck assured him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“Buck, I can’t ask you to do this.” Eddie frowned.

“You’re not. I’m offering.” Buck smiled warmly. “And I’m not taking no for an answer. So shut up, drink your coffee, eat a doughnut, and spend the day with your son.”

“Buck, I-” Eddie gaped, his eyes glassy.

“Buck?” A small voice called from the hallway. Christopher’s smile was wide as he entered the kitchen. He too, was still in his pajamas. “What are you doing here?”

“Hey buddy! I brought you some breakfast. Don’t worry, I got your favorite.” Buck offered him a doughnut with sprinkles. Christopher squealed in delight, instantly devouring the treat while the two men watched with fond smiles. “Guess what? You and your dad are gonna go to the zoo today!”

“Really?” Christopher beamed, looking up at his father with hopeful eyes. Eddie’s gaze flicked between Buck and his son before he let out a resigned sigh.

“Yeah, buddy. We are.” He smiled, mussing the boy’s hair. “Go get dressed and brush your teeth.”

“Buck, are you coming with us?” Christopher asked.

“Not this time.” Buck told him, his heart aching at Christopher’s disappointed frown. “But don’t worry, I’ll be here when you guys get back tonight. We’ll order pizza and watch a movie.”

“Can we watch _Toy Story_?”

“Of course, we can watch _Toy Story_!” Buck laughed, ushering him towards is room. “Go get dressed. You’ve got a big day.”

Christopher ran out of the kitchen, giggling the whole way. Buck looked up to see Eddie watching him with a hesitant expression. “Are you sure about this, Buck?”

“Absolutely. Go get dressed.” Buck smiled. Eddie still looked unsure but trudged to his room anyways. Ten minutes later, both Diaz boys were dressed and ready for the day. Buck gave them the tickets and the rest of the doughnuts and waved them goodbye as they pulled out of the driveway. Once Eddie’s truck disappeared around the corner, Buck retreated into the house and got to work.

He decided to start with the laundry. Eddie hadn’t been kidding. There was easily a week’s worth of dirty clothes piled in front of the washing machine. Buck meticulously sorted the clothes before loading them into the washer. With that started, Buck moved into the kitchen and began washing the dishes piled in the sink. Once all the dishes were clean and returned to their cabinets, he began vacuuming and dusting. Buck continued to work for several hours. He cleaned and organized everything he could think of, stopping periodically to flip the laundry. By noon, the house was spotless, and all the clothes had been washed, dried, and folded.

Buck opened the fridge to find it nearly empty; only a few takeout containers and condiment bottles lined the shelves. With a small shake of his head, Buck composed a small grocery list and hopped into his car. He went to a grocery store down the road and loaded a cart with food. He returned to Eddie’s house and unloaded the groceries. He then spent the next few hours cooking and storing food in Tupperware containers for later. By the time Eddie and Christopher returned at five o’clock, the refrigerator was stocked with fresh food as well as premade meals.

Christopher was the first one through the door. Buck had just finished cleaning the last of his cooking mess when the young boy came running into the kitchen. He excitedly recounted the day, showing off the souvenirs he had acquired. Buck listened intently with a wide smile. “Sounds like you had fun, buddy!”

“We did!” Chris giggled. “You have to come with us next time!”

“Absolutely!” Buck looked up to see Eddie lingering in the doorway. The other man was smiling but his eyes held a strange mix of emotions. Buck turned back to Christopher. “Hey, Chris, why don’t you get the movie started and your dad and I will order some pizza.”

“Can we get pepperoni?” Christopher asked.

“You bet!” Buck laughed as the young boy disappeared into the living room. Eddie slowly closed the distance between him and Buck, his hands tucked into his pockets and his eyes downcast. Buck wrung his hands nervously, waiting for him to speak. Everything he had done that day was to help Eddie, but he was afraid he may have crossed a line. The last thing he wanted to do was make Eddie feel like he couldn’t provide for his son. “Did you have fun?”

“Yeah. It’s been a while since I’ve been able to spend the day with him like that.”” Eddie smiled softly, looking around the kitchen. “The house looks good. I can’t remember the last time it’s been this clean.”

“All the laundry’s done, too. I folded the clothes and left them on your bed. Chris’s too.” Buck told him, closely watching his face for a reaction. Eddie nodded appreciatively, his expression still unreadable.

“Smells good. Did you cook?” he asked. Buck nodded, opening the refrigerator to show him the containers of food.

“I made spaghetti and chicken and dumplings. It should last you the week. All you’ll have to do reheat it.” Buck gestured to the pantry. “I also bought groceries. Got Christopher more of that cereal he likes.”

“The one that’s nothing but pure sugar?” Eddie teased, cracking a smile. Buck chuckled with a nod. They fell into a brief silence before Eddie finally said, “Buck, I don’t know what to say.”

Buck ducked his head. “I’m sorry if I overstepped. I just wanted to help.”

“Buck, you didn’t do anything wrong.” Eddie told him quickly. He ran a hand down his face, struggling to find the right words. “It’s just that, nobody has ever done anything like this for me. I’m grateful. I just don’t understand why. This was your day off too. Surely you had things you’d rather be doing than cleaning my house?”

“You said you felt like you were falling behind. I just wanted to help, and this is how I could help.” Buck shrugged. Eddie’s eyes glistened as he averted Buck’s gaze.

“Buck, I don’t know how to thank you.” He sighed.

“You don’t have to.” Buck put a hand on Eddie’s shoulder, commanding the other man’s attention. “Eddie, you are my best friend. I love you and I love Christopher. All I want if for the two of you to be happy and if helping you with chores and cooking you dinner helps make you happy, then I will do it.

“From now on, I’ve got your back: not just at work, but at home too. If you need a hand around the house, I’ll help you. If Chris needs a ride to therapy or school, I’ll drive him. If he needs help with his homework, I’ll help him. I can’t promise I’ll be any good at it, but I’ll try.” Eddie laughed softly, a tear spilling onto his cheek. He quickly brushed it away as Buck finished, “And if you ever just need someone to talk too or a shoulder to cry on, I’ll be here.”

Buck got little warning before Eddie pulled him into a bone crushing hug. He quickly returned the embrace as Eddie whispered, “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Buck smiled, fighting back tears of his own. He cleared his throat as they parted, “Come one. We better order some pizza before Christopher turns on us.”

“That kid gets scary when he’s hungry.” Eddie laughed, planting himself at the counter as Buck pulled out his phone. As Buck was ordering the pizza through an app, soft music began to swell from the empty air. He cursed internally, his eyes drifting to Eddie across the room. Sure enough, Eddie had begun singing along to the upbeat tune.

“ _Time’s been tickin’, hearts are runnin’. Think that Cupid’s up to something_. _You asked me how I feel, I say nothing._ ” Eddie sang, looking at Buck with a conflicted expression. Buck didn’t recognize the song, so he sat his phone down and listened intently as Eddie continued with an almost shy smile. “ _But lately colors seem so bright and the stars light up the night. My feet they feel so light. I’m ignoring all the signs._ ”

Eddie rose from his seat, sliding around the counter to be closer to Buck. There was a playful glint in his eyes as he sang, “ _I keep on frontin’. Yeah, I stay bluffin’. I keep you wonderin’, keep you huntin’ for my lovin’. But I crave us huggin’. Yeah, I stay stubborn. ‘Cause I can’t admit that you’ve got all the strings and know just how to tug ‘em._ ”

Buck couldn’t help but feel a bit confused at the meaning of this song. If he was hearing Eddie’s innermost thoughts and feelings, what was this song trying to tell him? He didn’t have to wait long for an answer as Eddie broke into the chorus, “ _I think I’m in love again! I think I’m in love again! I didn’t think it could be true. Let alone that it would be you. I think I’m in love again!_ ”

Buck stood dumfounded as Eddie continued to move around the kitchen. Was this song for him? Were these feelings directed toward Buck? Eddie, now leaning against the fridge, continued to sing with longing in his eyes. “ _My heart's pacin', I'm confused. I'm dazin'. I saw something I never seen in you; it’s got me shakin'. I must be hallucinatin'. I hear it happens. I'm just sayin'. Babe, I'm just sayin'._ ”

Buck struggled to keep calm. He hadn’t been expecting to hear this kind of song from Eddie and he wasn’t sure how he felt about it. He just hoped it would end soon. The song, however, continued. Eddie crossed the room, slowly closing the distance between him and Buck as he sang, “ _Someone give me some paper. Someone give me some crayons. I'm feeling like a child. I need something to play on. I'm trying hard to trust you when you say, "Give me your hand." Baby, I'm fallin', I hope you catch me when I land._

“ _I think I’m in love again! I think I’m in love again! I didn’t think it could be true. Let alone that it would be you. I think I’m in love again!_ ” Eddie was right in front of him, close enough to touch, as the music slowly died down. His hand hovered in the space between them, as if he wanted to reach out and touch Buck but was too scared to. His eyes burned with adoration and longing as he finished, “ _I think I’m in love._ ”

Buck snapped back to reality, his head spinning and his heart pounding. His phone slipped from his trembling hands, clattering onto the countertop. Eddie, who had never actually moved from his seat behind the counter, gave him an odd look. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” Buck lied, his mouth suddenly very dry. He couldn’t even begin to process what had just happened and what it meant for his and Eddie’s friendship. He put on his most convincing smile. “Just zoned out for a moment.”

“Well, zone back in and order that pizza.” Eddie smirked, rising from his seat. As he retreated into the living room, he called over his shoulder, “Christopher is waiting for us.”

“I’m right behind you.” Buck called back weakly. He quickly ordered the pizza before moving towards the sink. He splashed his face with cold water, desperate to calm himself. _It was just a song._ He tried to reason. _A song that reflects Eddie’s innermost feelings._

“Buck, are you coming?” Christopher called from the other room.

“Be right there!” Buck replied, joining them in the living room. _Toy Story_ was already playing on the TV and the Diaz boys were lounged out on the couch. Buck took a seat on the far end, leaving Christopher between him and Eddie. The pizza arrived soon after and the three of them settled in for the night. Buck could barely focus on the movie; his eyes constantly wandering to his best friend just a few feet away. His best friend that might be in love with him. What the hell was Buck going to do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song is I Think I'm In Love by Kat Dahlia


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm back from the dead with another update! This chapter deals with shitty, homophobic parents and features brief internalized homophobia so if that is a trigger for you, proceed with caution!

“How’d it go with Eddie?” Maddie asked suddenly over dinner the next night. Buck nearly choked on his food, ignoring his sister’s confused expression as he carefully cleared his throat.

“It, uh, went fine.” Buck replied meekly once he found his breath. Maddie didn’t seem satisfied with this answer.

“It went fine?” she repeated with a doubting tone.

“Yeah.”

“That’s it? You’ve been stressing to me about this for days and all I get is ‘it went fine’?”

“What do you want me to say, Maddie?” Buck snapped defensively. He had been trying to forget the song Eddie had sung to him; the song that seemingly confessed his love for Buck.

“Why are you being so weird about this?”

“I’m not being weird!”

“Buck,” Maddie said firmly. “tell me what happened.”

Buck sighed, caving under her intense gaze. “Everything went perfectly. I was able to help Eddie. He and Christopher had a fun day at the zoo. When they got home, the three of us ordered pizza and watched a movie. It was perfect.”

“Okay, if it was so perfect, why do you look so bummed?”

“Because, after they got home, Eddie sang a song to me.”

“Okay, what song?”

Buck could hardly look her in the eye as he pulled out his phone and played the song for her. He had been listening to it on repeat, hoping to find some other meaning that he had missed. He quietly watched as his sister listened intently to the lyrics, her eyes widening more and more with each passing second. She suddenly paused the song, her mouth gaping. “Buck, this is a love song.”

“I know.”

“Eddie sang you a _love_ song.”

“I know!” Buck snatched his phone back with a groan. “Now do you see why I was being weird?”

“Well, what are you going to do about it?” Maddie asked. “Do you feel the same way?”

“What?” Buck asked, his tone sharp. He narrowed his eyes, a familiar feeling of dread pooling in his stomach. “Why would you ask me that? I’m not- I don’t- I’m straight.”

“Buck,” Maddie said softly, her brows furrowing in confusion. “honey, you came out to me as bi when you were fifteen. Remember? You told me that you liked a boy in your English class. I think his name was Zach?”

“Well, I was wrong.” Buck replied, too defensively. Maddie was taken aback but kept her expression soft.

“Well that’s okay but you seemed pretty sure when you told me.”

“I was just a child. I made a mistake. I was too young to know something like that.” The words sounded rehearsed coming out of his mouth.

“You sound like Dad.” Maddie frowned. She had heard words like that her entire childhood. _You’re just a child. You’re too young to be making decisions like that._ Her father had used similar language to demean her and Buck any time they stepped out of line. It startled her to hear those words coming from her little brother. “Buck, you’re not telling me something. Please talk to me. Don’t shut me out.”

Buck sat quietly for several moments, his jaw and fists clenched. He stared at a space next to Maddie’s head, unable to quite look her in the eye. He had never been able to hide anything from his sister. She knew him too well. Hell, she had practically raised him. He couldn’t lie to her. His voice was tight as he spoke, “Something happened with Dad after you left home. Zach and I started seeing each other and one night when Mom and Dad were out, I invited him over. We weren’t really doing anything; just kissing. But Mom and Dad got back early, and they caught us.”

“Did he hit you?” Maddie asked, fighting to keep a calm demeanor. Their father had never been physically violent, but he had gotten close to it on several occasions. Growing up, Maddie had done everything in her power to protect her little brother from their father’s outbursts but there was no telling what Buck had endured after she left home. They had never talked about it, not really, and she regretted not asking sooner.

“No.” Buck shook his head, tears welling in his eyes. “He didn’t even yell at me. He just looked at me with these cold eyes and told me that I was disgusting. He said that I brought shame to myself and to him; that I wasn’t his son anymore.”

“Buck,” Maddie’s chest tightened, and her stomach twisted. She swallowed the bile that rose from the back of her throat. “honey, I’m so sorry.”

“He didn’t talk to me for weeks afterward; barely even looked at me,” he continued, his voice frighteningly calm despite the pain in his eyes. “And mom, she tried to act like nothing even happened, like we were still one big, happy family. Zach never spoke to me again; can’t say I blame him. I wouldn’t even have known what to say.

“I only dated girls after that. It was easier that way. The day I told Dad that I was taking Stacey Walker to prom, he smiled and said he was glad I ‘came to my senses’. I know its messed up but part of me was happy that he finally seemed proud of me.” Buck wiped a stray tear that spilled onto his cheek. “I don’t know, maybe that’s why I slept around so much after I moved out. Maybe I was still somehow seeking his approval.”

“Buck, I need you to listen to me.” Maddie took her brother’s hand, forcing him to meet her gaze. Though her tone was firm, there was nothing but love in her eyes. “Our father was wrong. There is nothing disgusting or shameful about you. He brought shame on himself when he treated you the way he did.”

“But I-”

“No. You didn’t do anything wrong.” She took a breath and gently cupped his cheek. He melted into her touch with a soft sigh. “Buck, if you’re straight, that’s fine, but don’t let our father’s bigotry decide that for you. Only you know what’s in your heart. Please know that no matter what, I love you more than anything in the world.”

Buck was quiet for several moments, just basking in the feeling of his sister’s love and acceptance. For so long he had kept a part of himself locked away; a piece of his heart that his father had deemed an abomination. He wasn’t sure how to open himself back up, but he wanted so badly to try.

He thought back on his friendship with Eddie. All this time, had he been suppressing feelings because of his father’s prejudice? Was is possible that he could share Eddie’s affections? The barrage of thoughts and emotions coursing through him was overwhelming. Buck wasn’t sure just yet how he felt about his best friend, but he _was_ sure of one thing; he was tired of hiding who he really was. “Maddie, I’m bisexual.”

Maddie’s kind smile warmed his heart and the last bit of doubt seeped out of him as she pulled him into a hug. “Thank you for telling me. I love you so much, Buck.”

“I love you too.” He sniffled into her shoulder. “I don’t know how I feel about Eddie though.”

“That’s okay. You’ve got plenty of time to figure that out.” She assured him, pulling back to dry the tears from his face.

“I don’t even know where to start. The only reason I know about his feelings is because of this stupid power that I don’t even understand.” Buck admitted, hanging his head. Maddie gently took his chin and lifted his face.

“We’ll figure it out together.” She promised. Buck closed his eyes and let out a soft sigh. At that moment, the energy in the air shifted. All the small, background noise faded, leaving them in complete silence. Buck opened his eyes to find his sister watching him with a loving gaze.

“ _You with the sad eyes, don’t be discouraged. Oh, I realize its hard to take courage,_ ” she softly sang. Buck’s eyes widened and his mouth fell open as he realized what was happening. Soft guitar music swelled from empty air as she continued. “ _In a world full of people, you can lose sight of it all and the darkness inside you can make you feel so small._

“ _But I see your true colors shining through. I see your true colors and that’s why I love you._ ” She took his hand with the kindest smile. “ _And that’s why I love you. So, don’t be afraid to let them show. Your true colors, true colors, are beautiful like rainbow._ ”

Buck couldn’t contain his joyful smile as his big sister continued to sing to him. “ _Show me a smile then, don’t be unhappy. Can’t remember when I last saw you laughing. If this world makes you crazy and you’ve taken all you can bear, just call me up. Because you know I’ll be there._

_“And I see your true colors shining through. I see your true colors and that’s why I love you._ ” Maddie took his face in her hands, her thumbs softly brushing the last of his tears aside. “ _So, don’t be afraid to let them show. Your true colors, true colors, are beautiful like a rainbow._ ”

The song ended and the music faded away, leaving Buck with warm, bubbly feeling in his chest. He couldn’t help the small giggle that slipped past his lips. Maddie gave him an odd look. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Nothing.” Buck shook his head with a smile. “You just sang to me.”

“I did?”

“Yeah. You did.”

“That’s so weird. What song?”

“I think it’s called _True Colors_?”

“God, I love that song.” Maddie laughed. Her cheeks turned a light shade of pink as she asked, “How’d I sound?”

“A little pitchy, to be honest.” Buck teased, earning a series of punches to the arm.

“Jerk.”

“Ease up! I’m kidding! You sounded great!”

The two of them dissolved into a fit of laughter, clutching at their sides and wiping tears from their eyes. When they finally composed themselves, Maddie smiled, “I meant it, you know? The song? I may not have realized that I was singing it to you, but I meant every word.”

“I know.” Buck nodded, squeezing her hand. “Thank you for everything. I would have lost my mind by now if it hadn’t been for you.”

“Hey, what are sisters for?” she shrugged with a smirk. “Do me a favor? Try not to worry about the Eddie thing just yet. He may just have a crush.”

“You heard the song, Maddie. You heard what it said.”

“That’s just it! The song said ‘I _think_ I’m in love’. If the song is to be taken literally, maybe Eddie is quite sure how he feels just yet.” She suggested. “I’m just saying, try not to let this affect your friendship until Eddie tells you himself.”

“Okay,” Buck sighed. “I’ll try.”

Maddie seemed satisfied by his answer, gently patting his arm before switching on a movie for the two of them to watch. Buck struggled to concentrate on the film, his mind reeling from everything that had happened. On one hand, he felt as though a giant weight had been lifted from his chest after coming out to his sister; even if it was for the second time. On the other hand, the idea of seeing Eddie again after hearing his song made his stomach twist. He wasn’t sure how to act around his best friend now. He could only hope that Maddie was right, that this was just a crush. Maybe after some time, Eddie’s feelings would fade, and everything would go to normal. If only things could be that easy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope ya'll enjoyed!  
> *Song: True Colors by Cyndi Lauper*


End file.
